


Until you find yourself

by SuicKiller



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:21:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuicKiller/pseuds/SuicKiller
Summary: Bokuto and Akaashi are childhood friends that even after high school still enjoy each other's company. Even if they are best friends, there are many unsaid things between them. A photo, a summer camp and a girlfriend, nights under the stars and drunken parties are only a few of the things that bend and shape their sacred relationship. Are both of them patient enough to wait calmly until they find themselves?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 11





	1. chapter 1

~~

Sudden sharp pain in between his ribs woke him up. Still half-asleep, Akaashi rolled in a ball trying to protect himself from future punches and felt his mind drifting into Dreamland once again. 

“Akaashi! You’re doing it again!” the boy heard his friend’s voice up close and personal, screaming in his ear. Irritated, he jumped out of the blanket and glanced angrily at him. 

“What the hell, man...” Akaashi pouted while massaging his temples, both to calm and also wake himself up. “I told you I’m sleepy but you insisted on watching the movie… Haven’t you watched like 6 TIMES ALREADY?!?! And 5 out of those 6 were with me.” 

Bokuto’s expression changed into a sad one. He sighed deeply and dramatically put one hand on his forehead, the other one clutched his t-shirt and with closed eyes he threw his head on the side. His hair, now let down since they were at Akaashi’s place, swung and fell back on his face, framing it like a masterpiece of a drawing. 

“Oh, Akaashi, my only friend” he monologued, now standing on his knees and his eyes looking up at the other boy “help me, Akaashi, you are my only hope.” 

“Bokuto, you’re so cheesy, quoting the movie.” Akaashi said and cringed slightly. He could feel guilt creeping behind his back. “I’m sorry I fell asleep, you know I love that movie too.”

“You know, Alisa is very pretty and everything, but she doesn't like sci-fi and Star Wars especially.” Bokuto said, a tone of sadness could be heard in his voice “That’s why I insist on having at least one sleepover a week. I need to escape sometimes and be alone with my bestest friend.” his lips curved up in a small smile. 

Akaashi could feel so many things at one, his heart was going to burst out of his chest.  _ God damn it, Bokuto…  _

“Don’t worry, even if I fall asleep, I will always be ready to watch Star Wars with you, now let’s go to sleep.” Akaashi held out his hand to help Bokuto stand up from his dramatic pose from earlier and patted him reassuringly on the back. Bokuto turned around and embraced him in a tight hug.    
“Akaashi you have no idea how much I’ve missed you this past week, since we couldn’t see each other.” Akaashi stiffened up at first but when Bokuto didn’t release him from the embrace for a minute or two he calmed down. Instinctively his hand rested on the other’s back to return the hug and slightly buried his fingers in his friend’s t-shirt.  _ Ah, of course, you smell like peaches, as always. Amd tomorrow when we wake up you will once again complain how I don’t have your favourite shower gel and that it’s about time I buy one, since you’re sleeping over quite often.  _ Akaashi held his breath for a second as if to cherish Bokuto’s scent. Then rested his head on Bokuto’s shoulder and closed his eyes, trying to hide the sadness. 

“I love you, man. Sorry for breaking your ribs earlier.” Bokuto said and patted Akaashi’s head then released him from his embrace. Akaashi could feel his body shiver from the sudden lack of physical touch. And he knew he had no right to feel this way for his best friend. He slowly made his way back to his bedroom to make Bokuto’s futon. He felt like there were weights attached to his ankles. 

“I’m going to take a shower, Akaashi.” Bokuto said and went into the living room in all his glory- naked with only a towel covering his private parts. Akaashi gulped nervously. He knew his attraction towards Bokuto wasn’t just physical but he would lie if he said he didn’t make his insides tingle every time he showed up before his eyes with his bare skin and sculpted body.

“Yeah, I’m going to make the beds.” Akaashi said, avoiding the other’s eyes. 

_ Aaah, I’m so sleepy. Is Bokuto still showering?  _ Akaashi thought and jumped on his bed and under his favourite blanket.  _ So cozy… _ He felt himself ready to fall asleep, so he switched the white light to colourful so that Bokuto will not hit himself in something in the dark. For a couple of seconds before falling asleep he watched the colours change and reflect on the photo standing on the bedside table. 

“So good to take a shower after a long day of sweating at home...” Bokuto exclaimed while drying his hair with a towel. “I wonder if Akaashi is asleep already.” He poked his head out of the bathroom and saw the light in the bedroom changing colours. “Yes, he’s asleep.” 

Bokuto smiled to himself. Akaashi always left the lights on after that one time Bokuto tripped in the dark and split his head open. It happened last year when Akaashi moved out to live alone. It was very frustrating for the both of them, since there was no adult around (and none of them could be called an adult still) and they panicked. Bokuto, the drama queen he is, told Akaashi to tell his parents he loves them and stuff like that while Akaashi almost died from the sight of his best friend’s bloody face. He managed to call the ambulance and Bokuto got a few stitches on the back of his head. 

Bokuto ran his fingers through his scar and smiled.  _ How thoughtful of him. I know he bought that colour-changing light bulb because of me… Not that he would ever admit.  _ Bokuto’s eyes shifted down when he heard his phone vibrating on the sink. The name  _ Alisa <3 _ stared at him from the screen, his phone slowly moving to the end of the sink from the vibration as if impatient for Bokuto to finally pick it up. Irritated frown appeared on the boy’s face.

“Hi, Alisa. What’s up?” 

_ “Oh, hi, Bokuto. Took you long enough to pick up. Were you enjoying your ringtone that much?”  _ Alisa said over the phone and Bokuto grew even more irritated. He clenched the end of the sink, took a deep breath and said:

“I was showering, baby. You miss me so much you’re impatient when I don’t pick up right away?” he was annoyed, a bit angry even, Alisa knew that was his and Akaashi’s day, yet she always interrupted them. Nevertheless, he wouldn’t give her a hint of his annoyance, so he was acting like his usual self- the cheerful and flirty Bokuto, who was always the center of attention and the heart of the party. 

_ “Aren’t you coming home tonight, I wanted to give you a special surprise.” _ _  
_ Bokuto stood silent for a moment, his yellow eyes looking at him from the mirror. “No, baby. You know every Friday I am with Akaashi and I’m staying over. Boys’ night, you know? I will make it up to you tomorrow.” He could hear the girl sigh. 

_ “Fine. I’ll see you on Sunday. I’ll be out clubbing with the girls on Saturday night.” _

“Okay, baby, I will call you when I wake up. Love you. Good night.”

_ “G’night.”  _ Alisa said and hung up. 

Bokuto tossed his phone on the side and rested both his palms on the sink and looked down. His wet bangs dripped down as he stared into nothing.  _ What am I doing? When did I stop having feelings for her? _ His mind drifted far back in his and Akaashi’s teenage years. The summer camp…  _ That _ summer camp was the key to him having a hard time loving Alisa. Or was it just an excuse? Bokuto shook his head and slapped his cheeks. 

“Time to get a hold of yourself and go to sleep.”

He dressed himself and carefully went into the bedroom and closed the door. He smiled softly at the sight of his dear friend all curled up in his favourite blanket and sleeping peacefully. He felt warm inside, he felt  _ at home _ when he was with his best friend. Bokuto quickly went under his own blanket. He looked up and saw that their photo was still on Akaashi’s nightstand. The photo of them hugging and smiling widely in their summer clothes on the lake at the summer camp.  _ Akaashi, you will never get rid of that photo, will you?  _ _  
_ “Good night, Akaashi.” he said to his sleeping friend and turned around ready to sleep. 


	2. chapter 2

~~

Bokuto woke up early today. He was happy to find out that Akaashi was still sleeping, because he wanted to make him breakfast in bed. His friend always cared so much about him, the least he could do is make him hot chocolate and pancakes. So off Bokuto went to the kitchen. Fortunately, he knew this house like his own so it didn’t take him long to find everything he needed in order to surprise Akaashi. He carefully whisked the eggs with the melted butter, flour and baking powder together, added sugar and turned on the stove. While he was carefully scooping some of the mix with a ladle into the frying pan, he put on the other stove to warm some milk. He was humming under his breath a song, swaying his hips and getting lost in the rhythm.  _ Ah, such a fine December morning. _ He took Akaashi’s favourite mug and put the chocolate inside along with some mini marshmallows and an Oreo biscuit on the trim of the mug. He poured the hot milk inside and left it on Akaashi’s side of the table. 

“Damn, I’m feeling so good today!” Bokuto exclaimed as he flipped a pancake like a professional. 

Akaashi was walking through a forest. He didn’t know how long he was walking, nor how more he had to. He followed something. No. Searched for something? He suddenly came across a big castle and went inside. Immediately he was transported by an elevator and a strange butler frog to an upper floor of the said castle. When stepped out he was on a big terrace, beautiful specimens of unknown to mankind flowers bloomed up there and the sight was amazing. Akaashi could see mountains with colourful trees and behind them flickered the crystal clear water of the great lake where the monster lived. What monster and how he knew all of that since it was his first time visiting, he could not find out. He just knew. And right now his attention was caught by something else. He looked on the side and saw a long table.  _ How did I not see that when I came in? _ There stood Bokuto, Kuroo and Kenma, dressed in some funny-looking clothes and sipped tea like the fine gentlemen they are. Akaashi burst out laughing, catching their attention. 

“Ah, we were expecting you.” Bokuto said, his expression serious but smiling. “Come, sit beside us and help yourself.” Akaashi stepped a little hesitant and approached the table. When he sat down he noticed everyone’s expression changed- their smiles were crooked and their faces were bloodthirsty. “Wake up, wake up, wa-e up, -ake up, WAKE UP. ”

Akaashi rose from the bed, panting and gasping for air. He looked around and saw Bokuto’s yellow eyes staring right into his darker ones. 

“Ah, finally. Do you know how much effort I wasted in waking you up?” Bokuto said and smiled widely- just what Akaashi needed to see, to know that the rest of the day will be good. He smiled softly at him and stood up for the bed. “Put some clothes on, baby, I’ve prepared something special for you.” Bokuto said, throwing Akaashi’s clothes to him and went into the kitchen. 

The familiar smell of pancakes hit Akaashi’s nose.  _ Oh, did Bokuto actually make breakfast? _ He put on his sweatpants and oversized black sweatshirt and followed his friend. Akaashi could feel his heart was about to burst out of cuteness- the table was arranged with tablecloth and a small Christmass tree with several balls that had pictures of the two boys inside. A big plate with many, many pancakes stood in the middle of the table, and on each side- a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows inside.

“So, what do you think? I woke up earlier today so I can surprise you.”

Akaashi stood on the doorstep of the kitchen smiling. Bokuto was the most amazing person he had ever met in his life. He was strange, he did things his way, he never listened to anyone, but at the same time he was very gentle and loving, caring and sensitive. And that’s why Akaashi loved him, that’s why his feelings were growing stronger by the day. Nevertheless, Akaashi cherished their friendship more than anything in the world. He didn’t need Bokuto to touch him and kiss him and end up as strangers in the end. 

“When did you get that tree, Bokuto?” Akaashi said, taking a closer look at the small present. 

“Oh I bought it some time ago. But look, look, Akaashi, I made the balls with our photos by myself! I know it’s not much, but I put all my love in it!” he exclaimed, eyes squinting from the wide smile and hand resting proudly on his heart. 

“Yeah, I know. It’s very nice, thank you. You should wait for your present until Christmas, just so you know.” Akaashi pointed out while sitting down to finally have breakfast. He noticed Bokuto opened his mouth as if to say something, his expression changed to pure excitement. “And, Bokuto, don’t pester me to tell you what your present is. I won’t tell you.”

The boy pouted and took a sip from his hot chocolate. He turned around to face the big window behind the table. 

“Winter is beautiful.” Akaashi said, his eyes fixated on a single snowflake falling down and finally landing on a tree branch and melting away. 

“But it’s cold, Akaaashi~” the other pouted “I like summer. How weather, I can go around without my t-shirt and sip on some ice cold cocktails on the beach...” Akaashi looked at him and could tell by his closed eyes that his mind drifted somewhere far away- maybe Hawaii, maybe Dubai, who knew. 

“Bokuto, you are still running around home naked, what do you mean?” Akaashi pointed out and laughed when he saw the other shiver, just now realising he was without a shirt. 

Akaashi loved spending his mornings with his best friend. Usually it was the other way around- he made breakfast, Bokuto was roaming around the house doing nothing more than annoying him with the question “Is it ready yet?”. In the end all would be the same- Bokuto would sip on some coffee or hot chocolate and would space out and Akaashi would just sit and stare at him like he was the most perfect being in the world. He loved watching him when he was with his hair down- the way his bangs would fall on each side of his face… He was just a work of art, a bit rebellious looking in a way that made Akaashi want to jump out of his seat and devour him with kisses. 

But he would never do that.

Long fingers caressing Akaashi’s knee snapped him from his trance. He blushed when he saw Bokuto looking straight at him like a curious owl. 

“Akaashi! Are you not feeling well?”

“N-no, I’m okay. I just spaced out.” he managed an excuse and moved his leg away from Bokuto’s hand. “I’m going to shower.”

“But you haven’t eaten anything... ”

“I will after I shower. I’ll be back in a minute.” Akaashi excused himself, grabbed his towel and went into the bathroom. He quickly closed the door behind him and turned on the shower.  _ Fuck. I need to take care of this…  _ He was usually calm and composed around Bokuto since, as Akaashi’s best friend, we would be extra comfortable to touch him, hug him etc. But whenever he put his hand on Akaashi’s thigh it was a bit too much for him. He stormed off in the bathroom when he felt the familiar tension in his boxers rise and honestly, he just needed to get off, since he hadn’t done it in some time and it was getting harder for him to just ignore Bokuto’s fingers roaming around freely on his body. Akaashi stood under the water, his hands cupping his blushing face. As he rested one elbow on the wall, the other made its way down below his abdomen. He bit his lip as he stroked his member, to not make any noise. Everytime he closed his eyes, images of Bokuto above him, touching him and kissing him, would appear and he would grow more and more aroused every second.  _ God damn, I wanna kiss him. _ Akaashi’s knees grew weaker as he felt his orgasm nearing, the face of Bokuto all flushed and horny playing like a neverending tape in his head, slowly driving him over the edge. Akaashi clenched his fist and bit his lip almost hard enough to draw blood as he finished with one last stroke. He dropped down on his knees under the shower, water droplets running down his handsome flushed face, his breathing quick and bothered. He rested his forehead on the wall.  _ Why am I like this? _ He felt a bit guilty finishing off with the thought of his best friend in his head and in reality in the other room, absolutely unaware of Akaashi’s arousal. 

Bokuto stood in silence in the kitchen and sipped on his hot chocolate. His mind was occupied with many chaotic thoughts flying all over the place. He clenched his knee with the same hand he carefully touched Akaashi, as if he was a fragile glass statue.  _ Am I at fault? Am I what’s bothering you Akaashi? Am I what’s bothering me?  _ Bokuto licked his lips as a sweet memory from the past rose up in his memory. He smiled.  _ Ah, how I miss this feeling… _


	3. chapter 3

  


~~

Bokuto came home to find Alisa laying on the couch talking on the phone. The moment she saw Bokuto she quickly said  _ I need to go, call you later.  _ and hung up.

“Hi, baby.” the boy greeted and sat beside her. He smiled at her and kissed her seductively. Alisa put her hands on his shoulders and pulled him closer. 

“So you finally decided to show up, I thought I was going to see you tomorrow?” she said in between the kisses that grew rougher and rougher. 

“I never said I’m not going to come back home today, y’know. Kiss me now, talk later.” he said as his hand quickly worked the buttons of her shirt open. He slipped the fabric down her shoulders and threw it on the ground. He continued down her body removing every piece of clothing until she was fully naked underneath him. As he removed his own jeans and tshirt he felt something was different. He was turned on, yes, but looking at her was no longer the trigger to get him hard. 

“Let me help you.” she said, her eyes full with seductive sparkle. 

“No, you stay down.” Bokuto answered, his voice somehow harsh and his look narrow. He pushed her back on the couch and started fingering her, while he stroked his member with the other. Alisa started moaning, Bokuto’s name sweetly rolling out her tongue, her head thrown back because of the pleasure as she clutched the blanket on top of the sofa. Bokuto still struggled with his situation. He looked at her, trying to remember the best sex they’ve ever had but nothing helped. He closed his eyes and immediately an image popped up in his head. He remembered Akaashi’s flushed face back when they were 16. He imagined what it would be like to see that same face on other occasions. He imagined whispering in Akaashi’s ear and how melodically he would moan underneath him. He imagined Akaashi riding him, rolling his hips hungrily as Bokuto’s hands are holding his beautiful waist. Bokuto threw back his head and bit his lip. The images in his head continued to change, getting more and more detailed and rough. He started moaning and before he could stop himself, he felt a strong tension in his abdomen signaling his orgasm. He opened his eyes just to see his girlfriend looking angrily at him. 

“What the fuck, Bokuto? You were supposed to fuck me, not yourself.” she reached to get one of the napkins laying on the coffee table and wipe herself since Bokuto finished all over her. She stood up and went to the shower before Bokuto could even say anything. 

He felt like an absolute asshole. Not only did he not satisfy his girlfriend, but he even jacked off thinking of his best friend while fingering Alisa. He had no excuse for this. He went into the bathroom where Alisa relaxed in the bathtub. 

“Baby, I’m sorry. It has been some time since we last had sex so I couldn’t hold it long enough.” he said crouching beside the tub. 

“Whatever.” Alisa said looking at him as if she was looking at a piece of trash. They’ve had some pretty bad fights before but she never looked at him like that- contemptuously. He already knew that their relationship would not last much longer, since the last few weeks Alisa was always angry at him for no other reason but just to piss him off. 

“I’m really sorry.” Bokuto said and left her. 

When he sat on the sofa he quickly texted Akaashi. 

  


**bOWLkuto:** I think it’s over with Alisa.

**A$$kashi:** what happened? 

Bokuto stared at the bright phone screen and wondered what to say. 

  


**bOWLkuto:** Call the boys, we’re going clubbing tonight

**A$$kashi:** okay, i hope you’re okay tho, if you want to swing by my place before we go out, i’ll be happy to listen you rant 

**bOWLkuto:** I will, thank you, Keiji <<3

  


On the other side of the screen Akaashi felt his face go red. When he read his name he heard Bokuto’s voice calling for him, his name sounding so sweetly. He smiled at the screen, feeling a bit guilty since Bokuto’s situation was serious and he needed help but he was happy, oh so very happy that the first person he always shared his problems with was him. He stood up and went on his balcony. The cold wind brushed his cheeks, making them even redder. Akaashi put a cigarette between his pinkish lips and lit it. He watched the small flame slowly burn the paper and it reminded him of summer camp. 

  


“Bokuto! You’ll totally get us in trouble.”

“Fuck, man, I really wanna try it!” Bokuto said, his eyes full of excitement and his smile wide. 

“Damn, you’re such a jerk, I swear. First we are 16, second we are volleyball players, it’s not right.” Akaashi tried to talk him out of it, but his friend didn’t listen. Bokuto turned on the lighter and lit the cigarette. His expression changed and he started coughing, smoke coming out of his mouth. 

“Yuck, how do people willingly smoke cigarettes.” he said while inhaling one more time. 

“Ah, the irony...” Akaashi facepalmed. “Give me that, let me try.” he yanked the cigarette out of Bokuto’s hand. He inhaled, swallowed and huffed out the rest. Bokuto was quite surprised since Akaashi looked like a legit smoker. 

“Have you done this before, what the hell?” he asked, his head a little hazy because of the excitement, or maybe because of the cigarette, or was it just him having some kind of a placebo, he didn’t know, but what he knew was that he was angry at his friend not sharing his first time smoking with him. 

“I have. I do it from time to time, but not frequently enough to become a full time smoker. I just.. I was scared you would beat me up if I told you.” Akaashi laughed. 

Bokuto’s shocked dramatic face was the most hilarious thing the other had ever seen. “The audacity!” said drama queen exclaimed, then crossed his arms and turned his back to Akaashi. He smiled softly at his friend and hugged him from behind. 

“You know this is the only first time that wasn’t together with you.” he said and rested his head on Bokuto’s shoulder. The other just couldn’t stay mad at Akaashi. He put one hand over his and turned to face him leaving no more than a centimeter between their lips. 

  


Akaashi snapped out of his trance when he felt a burning sensation on his fingers. The cigarette’s flame was now almost finished. He scrunched the butt and tossed it in the ashtray. 


	4. chapter 4

~~

“The music is too damn loud, not gonna lie.” Kageyama yelled in Akaashi’s ear. 

“Bokuto wanted to come here, don’t blame it on me, Kageyama.” he said irritated, the other’s voice still bouncing loudly in his head. “Speaking of which, let’s not lose sight of him tonight ‘cause I’m pretty sure he’ll do something stupid.”

“Yeah, because of Alisa, I know.” Tobio said with a serious note in his voice. “He’s not the only one we’ll have to take care of tho...” 

Akaashi gave him a questioning look. Kageyama shifted his eyes to the left and back to Akaashi.

“Aaah, Hinata, yes. I forgot he’s not a very good drinker.” Akaashi sighed and took out a cigarette. He would lie if he said he wasn’t happy to be in this particular club. He was not very keen on the loud music too, but this was the only bar where you could smoke inside and he wouldn’t have to freeze outside just for a cigarette. He exhaled a thick cloud of smoke. When it started to clear up Bokuto appeared as if magically behind it, scaring the living thing out of the boy. 

“Hey, hey, Akaashi.” Bokuto said and threw one arm over the other’s shoulder, hugging him tightly. “Why are you looking so gloomy? Just before we went out you were okay?”

Akaashi exhaled once again and looked away from the boy.

“I’m okay. The music is just loud.” he said not being able to think of a better excuse. 

“Hm, okay, Keiji. If you say so.” Bokuto agreed. Akaashi’s heart once again skipped a beat. 

_ Stop saying my first name, damn it. _

Akaashi put out his cigarette and took a sip from his glass. 

“Aah, there she is...” Kuroo said, eyes glued to the entrance of the club where Alisa and her girls were just coming in. “I think she… fuck, Bokuto.”

Bokuto turned around just to see said girls sitting with some boys, Alisa in particular making herself very comfortable in the arms of one of them. Bokuto tried to say that she wouldn’t cheat on him when he saw Alisa’s heavy with red lipstick lips hungrily devour the other’s. All the boys looked up at Bokuto, his eyes turning somehow sad. Akaashi was the first to break the silence between them. 

“I-I’m sorry Bokuto… We’re here for you, don’t worry, we will help you get over her.” he said, hugging his best friend, feeling a bit guilty because of the happiness that filled his heart knowing that Bokuto and Alisa were now over. 

“I’m more disappointed than anything else.” he finally spoke with a low, composed voice “I was looking for an excuse to break up with her anyway...” 

This took the others by surprise. They knew that Bokuto would always invest himself in any relationship he had- doesn’t matter if it was a romantic or a friendly one. But with Alisa… She was different. She would be very problematic when it came to Bokuto going out with friends, and he was a saint. He was the one person that would never ever cheat, no matter what the circumstances. 

And that made him feel guilty.

He knew his friends saw him that way and he was sad and angry with himself.

_ I couldn’t fucking help myself, I couldn’t stop myself… _

The thought of Akaashi’s naked body dancing in pleasure under him still lingered in his head, making it hard to even look at the boy without getting aroused. He felt like he cheated. He felt like he was the problem in their relationship. 

Because he was using her as an escape. Escape from who he really was. 

_ “Akaashi...” Bokuto’s sleepy voice echoed in the room. It wasn’t big, nor small. It was a wooden bungalow for two- two beds, two wardrobes, two desks, two chairs, a single dining table in the middle with two chairs, a small kitchen with some appliances, a small fridge and a shared bathroom. It was absolutely enough to fulfil anyone’s basic needs.  _

_ Except one.  _

_ Being 16 and alone in their own little castle, the two were on a quest, involving porn, alcohol and anything that was not suited for people under 18 really.  _

_ “Akaashi, wake up...” Bokuto was now fully awake, kneeling beside his friend’s bed, trying to wake him up. “Akaashi...” _

_ “Hmph… Bokuto… It’s not time for practice, it’s still dark outside, what do you want?” he said, his voice low and irritated.  _

_ “I-I had a nightmare...” Bokuto stopped himself, as if afraid to continue. He took a deep breath and continued anyway. “I… Can I sleep with you tonight?” _

_ Akaashi, who had his back facing Bokuto until now, turned around to look at him. His heart was beating so fast that he felt like the whole camp could hear it, but he tried to look calm on the outside. Bokuto was not supposed to know how Akaashi felt towards him. It was a risk for their sacred friendship. Akaashi sighed and answered.  _

_ “Okay.” _

_ It was a single, short answer, but behind these four letters was Akaashi’s sanity now close to break. His head was a bucket full of questions and worries.  _

_ Bokuto slid under Akaashi’s blanket, his warm body accidentally touching the other’s colder one. Akaashi’s eyes grew wide from the sudden touch. Bokuto had the habit of sleeping only in his boxers which made it even harder for Akaashi, who was struggling to keep his composure.  _

_ “Thank you, Akaashi.” Bokuto said and caressed the other’s waist before hugging him and resting his head in the small gap between his shoulder and his neck. His hot breath tickled Akaashi’s ear, sending shivers down his spine. He clenched his fist, he felt familiar tension in his boxers and could do nothing about it since it would be very suspicious if he got up to go to the toilet. Besides, it would take some time. Akaashi shut his eyes, trying to fall asleep as soon as possible and not think about his best friend and first love hugging him, unaware of Akaashi’s true feelings.  _

_ Suddenly Akaashi could feel Bokuto’s hand slowly going up, touching every inch of his cold arm and up to his hair stopping there to play with it.  _

_ “Akaashi, you’re very beautiful, do you know that?” Bokuto said, his lips now even closer to the other’s ear. Akaashi trembled in his hands, his erection growing and him- unable to hide it. “Look at me, Akaashi.” Bokuto moved his hand to the other’s chin as if giving him a slight push to turn around and face him. “Turn around, I want to see your eyes.”  _


	5. chapter 5

**_A/N:_ ** _Hey guys! This is a pretty short chapter but I decided to post it anyway, because I haven't posted in quite some time now. I am currently working on chapter 6 which will be pretty long, so bear with me, okay? Anyways, I hope you like the story! Comments and reviews are very very very appreciated and keep me invested and inspired to continue the story! Lots of love! <3_

* * *

"C'mon Akaashi..." Bokuto's drunken voice tickled the other's ear playfully. Akaashi was not in the best situation right now and he felt his whole body going numb and his head starting to spin slightly. He clenched the whiskey glass in his hand as if it was a straw and he was a drowning man and thanked every god there ever was that he was leaning on the bar, because if he wasn't he would've surely been passed out on the floor by now. His eyes, a bit hazy from the alcohol, shifted to his pack of cigarettes laying just beside his hand. He quickly lit one to calm his nerves but it couldn't be helped, he couldn't tone down his dizziness, nor his rapid heartbeat.

At least not with Bokuto standing right behind him, his slightly taller figure lingering above Akaashi like a predator. He could feel Bokuto's curious fingers making their way down Akaashi's spine, quickly moving to his waist and then his thigh. He stood there, flustered, confused and drunk. His head was spinning like a carousel and he wished to just let go and give in to his desires. It was obvious Bokuto wanted this. Akaashi also knew they both were drunk and he was most probably trying to make his ex, sitting just across the room in the arms of another, jealous. It wouldn't work tho, right? She was with someone new now, in fact she was with him probably for some time now, why would she be jealous when she was the one that cheated? It didn't matter, did it? It wasn't important, because Bokuto never loved her and Akaashi knew that.

Bokuto's hand moved now very close to the other's inner thigh, making him jump in response.

"Akaashi… Isn't it kinda rude..y'know… to get lost in your head when I'm doing my best? Hm?" Bokuto whined in Akaashi's ear. His low from the alcohol voice making thee other weak in the knees. Akaashi didn't turn around. He continued to play with the glass in his hand, trying to ignore Bokuto's drunken teasing. Before he could react, a strong hand clenched his jaw and turned his head around.

"Y'know, Akaashi, I don't like to be ignored. I know you want it too. Both of us… Summer camp nights haven't stopped replaying in your head, did they? Believe me, I know it and believe me, I crave for them." Bokuto let go of Akaashi's jaw, finally coming to his senses that he was probably hurting him. Akaashi avoided looking him in the eyes, because he painfully well knew what he would see there. He hesitated but finally met Bokuto's yellow ones. Shivers went down every part of his body when he saw his friend's lustful gaze travel all his body, as if mentally undressing him. Bokuto bit his lip.

"Akaashi, please… Akaashi, let's go home, let's maybe get a shower together like we did at summer camp, let me touch you… I remember, Akaashi, I remember every inch of your body and how it felt on my lips… I've longed for that feeling for so long. Please, please, Akaashi." Bokuto said, practically begging the other.

"Stay here for a second, I'll tell the guys we're leaving." Akaashi said, suddenly getting a rush of adrenaline, tossing aside all common sense he had left. _Fuck it. Just this one time… It's just once right?_ He said to himself. A single thought lingering somewhere far in his head bugged him, telling him _Why would you lie like that to yourself?_

"Guys, Bokuto got really drunk and is not feeling very well. I'll take him home, I promise to contact you in the morning." Akaashi said to the others, who were also on the verge of blacking out drunk.

Kuroo went to hug him and leaned in closer to his ear. "I know what's happening, Akaashi, let's just hope you won't regret it in the morning. Have a nice one." He patted him on the back, leaving Akaashi flustered and a little shocked.

Kuroo still remembered, didn't he…


	6. ch. 6

_**A/N:**_ Hi guys! Just wanted to pop up quickly and say that the whole chapter is a memory from their summer camp. Enjoy reading!

* * *

~~

_“Shh, Bokuto! Why can’t you stay silent for one second?” Akaashi whispered while crawling under one of the cabins._

_“But Akaashi, it’s too dark and I feel like there are spiders and bugs everywhere on me...” Bokuto whined, earning a death glare from Akaashi._

_“Shut the hell up.” he said and continued to move trying not to make a sound._

_The boys were on a mission. Earlier Akaashi proposed going to the lake after everybody had gone to bed. He told Bokuto that because of the lack of light pollution they’ll be able to see the stars clearly, which was enough for the boy to scream in excitement. While they were in the dining area Akaashi could clearly see Bokuto fidgeting and smiling like an idiot and he was sure that it was very heard, almost impossible for Bokuto not to tell anyone about their small crime. They came back to their cabin and packed two small backpacks each with a blanket, some food and water. Might as well go all out while we’re at it, Akaashi told Bokuto when he packed two beers and a bottle of wine. It was already 11p.m. when they left their room. They were trying to be as silent as they could be. Well, Akaashi was trying. Bokuto on the other hand complained about the lack of light. But right now he had to be very very very silent._

_The teachers’ cabin was larger than the others. It had two floors with several rooms since there were 6 trainers. The other difference was that unlike the students that had a curfew, the teachers were still awake in their living room. Loud laughing and glass clinking could be heard from the inside._

_“Damn, they have zero chill.” Bokuto whispered when his curiosity got the best of him and he peeped through one of the windows._

_“Fuck, idiot! Get down and move as quickly as you can.” Akaashi said, feeling a slight panic overwhelm him. They had one job and it was to not get caught. He grabbed Bokuto by the wrist and dragged him quickly in the bushes just behind the teachers’ cabin. They were safe now and Bokuto was very thankful to Akaashi since seconds after they hid they heard one of the windows open._

_“Damn, that was very close.” he said and smiled widely at Akaashi. “But we’re good, right, Akaashi? Now, let’s hurry so we have all night to look at the stars!” Bokuto jumped out of the bush and quickly and as silently as he could ran down the hill and to the lake. Akaashi shook his head and couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Running down, he followed Bokuto._

_“Hm, Akaashi?” he told his friend when they finally reached their destination “Uhm, we got only two blankets, right?”_

_Akaashi shook his head in approval and looked confused at Bokuto._

_“I guess we’ll have to share then.” he grinned widely at Akaashi “You see, one of the blankets we’ll use to lay on and we will cover ourselves with the other one. Even though it’s summer the grass still gets cold and wet at night, y’know.” he explained, leaving Akaashi confused._

_Did he just get that impressive knowledge from some aliens above? What the fuck? Akaashi thought, looking at the other carefully laying one of the blankets on the grass._

_Bokuto sat down, opened up the two beers they magically snuck out of the kitchen earlier and tapped the space next to him, signaling to Akaashi to come sit beside him. The latter gulped nervously and rested next to his friend. They both laid down, immediately looking up._

_“Thank you, Akaashi.” Bokuto said after a couple of minutes spent in silence._

_Akaashi looked at him in question “What for? I did nothing special.” He never got his answer. He could only feel Bokuto’s eyes taking a quick glimpse at him from time to time and honestly, Akaashi found it quite funny. What was all that about?_

_But Akaashi also stole a gaze of his best friend. He did it once, then a couple more times, because he felt like he couldn’t have enough of his handsome face. Honestly how are you this attractive?-Akaashi thought after looking once again at Bokuto. He held his eyes fixed on him a second longer._

_Then their eyes met._

_It was only for a moment but Akaashi felt like he could get lost in those yellow eyes. He looked away quickly, a bit flustered from the sudden intimacy they shared. Akaashi then got lost in his thoughts. What was Bokuto like? If he had to say one thing that Bokuto reminded him of, what would it be? The first thing that popped in his head was Sun. Bokuto’s eyes reminded him of the sun, not only because of their unusual colour, but also because he felt warm and fuzzy every time he looked at them. What else? His personality in general, probably? His smile, his voice…_

_A sudden rustling in the nearby bushes made Akaashi snap out of his trance. He jumped in surprise and instinctively grabbed Bokuto by the hand. He did it without thinking and he didn’t even realise at first that he had intertwined his fingers with the other’s slim long ones._

_Bokuto laughed, tightening the grip on Akaashi’s smaller hand._

_“What happened, why are you laughing?”_

_“Well, it has already been a couple of minutes, but you’re still holding my hand, Akaashi.” Bokuto said, a smile spread on his face warming Akaashi’s heart._

_“Sh-shit, I’m sorry-” he tried to pull his hand away but Bokuto didn’t let him. Instead, he pulled him towards himself and their lips met._

_Akaashi’s heart was about to burst out of his chest. Bokuto’s lips were soft and plump, feeling like cotton candy on Akaashi’s ones. He couldn’t pull away. He knew it was wrong, he knew it was strange, but he just couldn’t. Bokuto playfully licked Akaashi’s lower lip as if asking him for permission to open his mouth. Akaashi parted his lips slightly and Bokuto’s tongue slid inside, connecting with Akaashi’s in a passionate dance. Instinctively, Akaashi’s arms wrapped around the other’s neck, pulling him closer enough to feel his body heat on his own skin. Bokuto’s fingers wrapped around Akaashi’s waist and slowly travelled up to his neck. He buried them in his hair slightly tugging on it as if to turn the poor boy even more than he already was. Akaashi felt his erection throbbing painfully in his pants and pulled away, locking eyes with Bokuto. They no longer reminded Akaashi of the sun. Now in his look he saw something animal-like, he saw pure lust. It felt like something very dark awakened in Bokuto and Akaashi was the only one that could tame him._

_“What’s the matter?” Bokuto asked, his fingers now on Akaashi’s chin holding it carefully, like it was a diamond figure worth millions. His eyes once again changed. They became softer. “I-I’m sorry, actually.” Bokuto looked away as if ashamed of what he had done._

_Akaashi hesitated for a second and without saying a word leaned in and kissed Bokuto. He knew he wanted it, he had longed for it for some time now even though he ignored that desire, unsure of what exactly he was feeling. But he was sure of one thing- what was happening right now was what he wanted at this very moment. Akaashi suddenly felt hungry, he felt like a hunter that had just caught his prey. He pushed himself towards Bokuto, making him lean back, laying down on the blanket. Akaashi broke the kiss for a second leaving Bokuto frustrated because of the lack of lips on his own. He sat on him and just took his time admiring the sight before his eyes- Bokuto and his sculpted muscular body laying underneath him, a sly smile painted on his face and his eyes dark and lustful._

_Before he could react Bokuto grabbed him by the wrists and rolled him over to lay on his back. He leaned in and seductively licked his neck, playfully biting it afterwards._

_“Akaashi, what do you say we explore together, hm?” Bokuto asked him, his lips a breath away from his ear._

_Akaashi was out of breath. He nodded in response and bit his lip._

_“Let’s take it slow tho… I mean, we do it for the fun of it, let’s make it feel good.” he finally said._

_Bokuto said nothing, he just leaned in and kissed Akaashi carefully. His eyes once again changed, Akaashi noted. He was looking at him softly._

_Lovingly, almost._


	7. Chapter 7

_ It’s kind of awkward…- Akaashi thought looking at Bokuto who was doing his oh-so-perfect jump serve. Akaashi was on the bench taking a breath after the 30 minute run he had to do. He took a sip of his bottle filled with cold water, instantly feeling refreshed. He rested his back on the bench and looked up at the brightly shining sun.  _

_ Ever since that night two days ago everything seemed to be back to normal, as if nothing happened but really, Akaashi could not simply ignore the strong sexual tension between him and his friend. It was even harder since the two boys shared a room. Their conversations were normal, both of them as if trying to ignore bringing up what happened but every time their eyes met there was that sparkle from the other night. Gulping loudly and with their heartbeats growing faster, they would both look away a bit flustered, cheeks red and cold sweat running down their spines.  _

_ That particular night Akaashi had some trouble falling asleep. In fact, he had trouble ever since Bokuto kissed him. He was laying in his bed overthinking and wondering what exactly would that “exploration” of theirs be like. He sat in his bed, his eyes shifted to the other’s bed , where Bokuto was sound asleep. Akaashi got flustered. He remembered a few nights ago hearing his friend “taking care” of his needs. It was dark and Bokuto didn’t see that Akaashi was still awake. Couple of minutes later he heard Bokuto’s sweet voice silently moaning, damn he even heard him finishing off. It wasn’t something unusual, they were both guys after all, but the kiss from before made things more complicated. So right now Akaashi sat in his bed, eyes glued to the sleeping boy across the room, and he asked himself: Will he moan like that because of me?  _

_ Immediately after that question formed in his mind he grew even more flustered and needy. The only thing he wished for right now was Bokuto’s touch and sweet sweet voice ringing in his ear. Akaashi let out a heavy sigh and decided he will take care of his sexual desires in the morning and he will do it with Bokuto, this time he will make the next step. He closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep.  _

_ ** _

_ Akaashi heard someone calling his name. First the voice was distant but it soon reached him. He opened his eyes, irritated and confused. “Bokuto it’s not time for practice, what do you want?” Akaashi said impatient to go back to sleep. _

_ “I-I had a nightmare… I… Can I sleep with you tonight?” The answer took Akaashi by surprise and he turned around to face Bokuto. He felt his heart beating faster and his face reddening. The past few days the boy could tell that his feelings towards Bokuto were slowly changing. What started as a possible fuck partner for the pure experiment of it has now turned into a ball of mixed feelings for Akaashi. He knew the boy for so long he wouldn’t be surprised if he had actually liked him ever since they were younger and the kiss was just the trigger opening Akaashi’s eyes. The opposite was also possible- because he knew Bokuto for so many years he was now confusing his strong attachment with love.  _

_ “Okay.” Akaashi finally said, his mind suddenly going blank from all that overthinking. He moved a little freeing some space for his friend to lay next to him. Akaashi had his back turned to the other. He felt warm skin meet his colder one and he immediately clenched his fist and held his breath. Soon Bokuto’s whole front part was glued to Akaashi’s back. He was slowly growing used to the position they were in when Bokuto’s fingers suddenly caressed his waist. “Thank you, Akaashi.” he said in his ear, breath playfully tickling it. Akaashi’s head was spinning, the said “needs” from earlier rose once again in between his legs and he couldn’t think of a plan to slip away without Bokuto realising the situation he was in. Okay, I will just fall asleep as quickly as I can- Akaashi thought, closing his eyes and trying to empty his mind. Mission was absolutely impossible, because Bokuto’s hand suddenly started moving up his arm. He buried his fingers in Akaashi’s slightly wavy hair, playing with it. Damn it!- Akaashi’s inner voice exclaimed. _

_ “Akaashi, you’re very beautiful, do you know that?” Bokuto’s lips were now even closer to his ear. “Look at me, Akaashi.” Bokuto’s fingers were now on his chin gently pushing it towards himself. “Turn around, I want to see your eyes.”  _

_ Akaashi’s mind was hesitant but his body was moving on his own, as if it was craving for Bokuto’s touch. He turned around not even minding the problem in his boxers. He quickly exchanged a lustful gaze with Bokuto before kissing him passionately.  _

_ “Bokuto, I… Fuck it’s so embarrasing. I was wondering if you still want to explore with me?” Bokuto looked surprised at Akaashi. He smiled at his friend and grabbed his wrists pinning him to the bed.  _

_ “Always, Akaashi.” Bokuto was confident which made Akaashi relax and give in to his desires. The awkwardness was gone, their bodies moved on their own. Bokuto’s hand quickly moved down Akaashi’s abs and into his boxers. He bit his lip trying not to moan too loudly. Bokuto knew how and where to touch, he showered Akaashi with kisses and made him feel special. Akaashi, on the other hand, wanted one thing- to hear Bokuto’s moans from the other night. He wanted to take control since the last time Bokuto was the one that did all the kissing. Akaashi sat in the bed. His hand started moving all over Bokuto’s body. He finally reached the elastic on his boxers and started caressing his already erected member.  _ _   
_ _ “Fuck, Akaashi.” Bokuto started breathing more unevenly. Akaashi smiled because he was happy that he made the other feel good. It was time to take it a step further. He slipped his hand inside Bokuto’s boxers, stroking the other’s erection.  _

_ The air was thick and heavy. Bokuto and Akaashi’s moans filled the otherwise silent room. Their voices were entangled in a sweet melody, their bodies moving in unison. They finished together, panting and breathing heavily. They lied in the bed for a couple of seconds to come back to their senses after their intense orgasms. Bokuto turned to look at Akaashi. “That was the first time I didn’t do it by myself.” he finally said, catching Akaashi’s attention. “Same for me.” Akaashi said, locking eyes with Bokuto. “Let’s go take a shower.” he proposed making Bokuto more than happy.  _

_ In the morning all the tension and awkwardness between the boys was gone. It felt natural to exchange kisses whenever they were alone. Their curiosity was growing and so were Akaashi’s feelings towards the other. The more intimate they became the less impatient they were for the night to come when they could finally be together.  _

_ ** _

_ “Let’s maybe go swim in the lake or just sunbathe, what do you think?” Kuroo proposed to the other boys. No one seemed to disagree so they quickly changed in their swimwear. _

_ The one month long training camp was already in the end of its second week and everybody was already starting to feel nostalgic because the end was nearing. The first week the boys were still getting to know each other with the exception of Kuroo, Kenma, Bokuto and Akaashi who had already spent their childhood together. They had always been very close and shared almost everything with each other and Akaashi felt a bit guilty keeping what was happening between him and Bokuto a secret. But it was for the better, Akaashi told himself whenever he felt peccant.  _

_ And right now he was feeling very very very guilty. The boys were playing beach volleyball but Akaashi’s mind was somewhere else. So was his gaze. He couldn’t stop looking at Bokuto’s sculpted body. Every time their eyes met he would smirk, wink at him or lick his lips seductively and it was getting too much for Akaashi. He wouldn’t be able to wait until after dinner to kiss those beautiful lips and touch that smooth skin.  _

_ “Guys, I think the sun got me well. I’ll go rest in my room and if I feel better I will join you later.” Bokuto suddenly said, surprising Akaashi and everyone else. _

_ “Are you gonna be okay? Maybe go tell the teachers or something?” Kuroo said, concerned about his friend. _

_ “Yeah, I probably should. Don’t worry!” Bokuto smiled at everyone and turned away. Before going to his room he went to hug Akaashi as if to tell him “See you later” but instead he told him “Wait a couple of minutes before coming to the room. Think of an excuse, I’ll be waiting for you.” he patted him on the back and took off. Akaashi stood with his eyes wide open and face flushed red. He would lie if he said that all that secrecy didn’t excite him.  _

_ “Guys, I’ll go see if Bokuto is okay. Maybe bring him some refreshments and food.” Akaashi told the others after about 20 minutes. No one seemed to suspect anything so proud of his successful lie he took off. When he went into the room he saw that the curtains were closed and Bokuto was laying in his bed dressed only in his boxers. Immediately he got up and pinned Akaashi to the wall, kissing him aggressively. Quick fingers undressed and clothes fell on the floor.  _

_ “Fuck, I want you so bad.” Bokuto whispered in Akaashi’s ear, making him shiver and become weak in his hands. “Do you maybe want to take it up a level, Akaashi?” he asked him and continued to devour his neck.  _

_ If Akaashi had to be completely honest, he was scared. Despite that his lips softly parted and he said “Yes.” His body was needy beyond his control and the only thing he could do was let it take the wheel and drive.  _

_ Bokuto smiled at Akaashi’s answer and took him to the bed. Akaashi was surprised to find out that the next step Bokuto was actually talking about was going down on him. His heart melted. He saw Bokuto’s effort in taking things slowly because Akaashi asked him to. Akaashi suddenly felt a great wave of pleasure and quickly dismissed his thoughts. Instinctively he buried his fingers in Bokuto’s hair softly tugging on it. “Fuck, if you do it too fast I’m going to finish way too quickly.” Akaashi whined, his other hand on his flushed embarrassed face, hiding it. Bokuto smirked and ignored Akaashi’s warning. He pulled away for a second to lick one of his fingers and positioned it at Akaashi’s entrance softly caressing it. Akaashi was growing more and more excited. He felt like it was a bit selfish to leave Bokuto do all the work so he figured he would return the favor later.  _

_ Soft creaking of the front door caught the boys’ attention.  _ _   
_ _ “Hey, so I found some medi-....-cine.” Kuroo stood on the front door, his eyes wide, looking at the unexpected sight before him. “I-I’m sorry.” he quickly muttered, closed the door and left.  _

_ “Fuck...” Akaashi exclaimed. He felt the panic overwhelm him.  _

_ Bokuto hugged him and kissed him softly on the lips. “We’ll continue later, I’ll speak to Kuroo, don’t worry, Akaashi. It’s gonna be alright.” He quickly dressed himself and stormed off of the room.  _

_ Akaashi knew that Kuroo would most probably have nothing against the ongoing weird relationship between two of his best friends, and he would surely tell no one else about it. Akaashi was worried that Kuroo would lose his trust in him as a friend. He stood up to dress himself and open the curtains. He saw Bokuto and Kuroo talking not very far away from the chalet. His eyes met Kuroo’s and Akaashi’s heart sank.  _


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N:_ ** _Merry Christmas to everybody! I wish you all the best with this kind of a filler Christmas chapter. :D_

_Stay safe and I hope you enjoy it!_

* * *

**_One day at the beginning of December_ **

The morning was rough for Akaashi. Yet another Saturday that he had woken up against his will. Insistent ringing of the doorbell was what made Akaashi jump out of his bed and curse everything he could think of. 

“Damn, it’s still 9AM...” he scratched his nape as he made his way through the corridor to open the front door. 

“Aaaah, Akaashi, my dearest! It’s the beginning of my favourite month which means it’s Christmas decoration time!” the white-haired boy stated with a smile on his face as he removed the many layers of clothing on his body. “Akaashi? You don’t look very good...” 

“I had plans. I had plans to finally get enough sleep...” Akaashi pouted, dark circles under his eye hinted he stayed up until late last night. “Please make some coffee while I go wash myself, would you, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asked, rubbing his sleepy eyes, looking like a sad puppy. Bokuto’s hand went up to his chest and he clutched his t-shirt. His poor heart was about to burst out of his chest- Akaashi was so goddamn cute when he was sleepy. 

“I definitely will, Keiji.” Bokuto said, his smile wide and went to the kitchen. “Now let’s make coffee for my precious grumpy cinnamon roll.” 

Soon the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the house. Akaashi’s eyes opened wide when the sweet sweet smell reached his nose.  _ Yes, I am ready now.  _ he thought when the very first drop of his favourite drink caressed his lips and tongue. He felt warm and smiled and Bokuto could swear that coffee thoroughly was able to bring out the best of Akaashi and his lazy ass. Bokuto sat across from his friend on the table quietly enjoying the happiness spread all over the other’s face. He felt as if they were both connected and whatever one of them felt it affected the other to a great extent. Bokuto rest his head in his palm.  _ Is it more than friendship?  _ He was questioning everything between them ever since the end of summer camp but Bokuto did what he had to do and there was no going back now.  _ One day, maybe. _

“Ah, thank you Bokuto, still you’re not forgiven for the rude awakening.” Akaashi said, his eyes now looking straight at Bokuto’s slightly making him uneasy shifting in his seat. “We have to start with the decoration soon so we would have time to play a game or something.” 

“Yeah, Alisa wants me home tonight. Her annoying girlfriends are coming over but she wanted me to be there.” The look in Bokuto’s eyes changed. Sadness and a slight glimpse of regret could be seen in them. He continued: “You know how she is… Showing me around like a trophy sometimes.”

Akaashi stood up and patted him on the back. “You can always make up an excuse and sleep over, you know. Last week you missed movie night with Kenma and Kuroo because of her.” he tried not to sound irritated even though he was. He hated seeing Bokuto wrapped around Alisa’s finger. “Anyways, do what you gotta do, let’s go decorate.”

Akashi smiled and took Bokuto by the hand in the other room. 

“Now, let’s see where I put it last year.” he said while rummaging in a big cupboard. He was bent over with his perfect ass up in Bokuto’s direction and he would lie if he said he didn’t question his sexuality a couple of times. “Ah! Found them. UGH!...” Akaashi hit his head in the cupboard when he was getting out. Bokuto took the big heavy box filled with decorations and put it aside. 

“Akaashi, how are you feeling?” he asked him when he saw the boy’s face go pale and his body a bit weak. 

“I think I’m going to pass out...”

Bokuto stomped nervously around the sofa where the unconscious Akaashi lied. He hit his head quite hard and he obviously needed some time to recover. Bokuto was sure it wasn’t anything serious but he was concerned anyway. He finally sat beside Akaashi and put his palm on his forehead to check his temperature. His skin was soft and felt really nice to Bokuto’s touch and he subconsciously moved his fingers down Akaashi’s face gently caressing him. A hand over his own made him snap back to reality. Akaashi’s fingers were intertwined with Bokuto’s and the boy slightly opened his lips.

“Bokuto...” he whispered almost silently but just enough for Bokuto to hear him. His eyes were closed and Bokuto wondered if he was actually awake or just talking in his sleep. Akaashi quickly answered the other’s question when he started to moan softly and tightened his grip on Bokuto’s hand. His other hand was clutching the blanket and his face twisted in expressions of pleasure. Akaashi moaned his friend’s name between sharp breaths and moans growing louder. His lips were parted and they looked so goddamn welcoming to Bokuto who was now replaying certain nights from the summer camp a few years ago. He had buried those memories and how Akaashi’s body felt beneath him so deep in his head that he felt like they weren’t his own. Bokuto caressed Akaashi’s parted lips with his thumb savouring the sensation. He dismissed any common reason and kissed Akaashi. Instinctively he put his hand on his waist slightly squeezing it. Akaashi let out a louder moan and Bokuto felt a wave of arousal coming over him.    
_ This is getting dangerous. _ Bokuto thought. He stole one last quick kiss from Akaashi and left to go to the toilet. 

“Damn, how long was I out?” Akaashi asked, avoiding eye contact with Bokuto. Ever since he woke up he quickly went to the toilet and since then he was all flustered and shy towards Bokuto.  _ Did he have a wet dream? _

“Not long. 30 minutes maybe? Something like that…” Bokuto answered while putting the light on the Christmas tree. Akaashi said nothing. He was touching up a few last things around the room. “By the way, I’ll stay the night. If you don’t mind it of course.” Bokuto said right before turning on the lights.

The tree lit up, so did Akaashi’s eyes that finally met Bokuto’s. The colourful reflections in Akaashi’s hazy glance warmed up Bokuto’s heart and made him so happy that he couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Akaashi smiled. 

“I swear, whoever is your future girlfriend, she would be the luckiest girl in the world, Akaashi.” the words left a bitter taste in Bokuto’s mouth. 

_ What if after all this time you finally found what you needed to forgive me? _

_ What if I become your special someone?  _


	9. Chapter 9

_ Akaashi sat across Kuroo on one of the long tables in the cafeteria. It was dinner time and ever since the incident yesterday he hasn’t said a word to him. A part of him was telling him that it’s not that big of a deal, it’s their private life after all.  _

_ He could feel Kuroo eyeing him. A slight kick under the table made him snap out of his thoughts. He lifted up his head and the raven-haired boy gave him a soft smile.  _

_ “Akashi, let’s go out for a second. Do you mind?” Kuroo’s voice sounded friendly and welcoming and Akaashi nodded in response. He stood up and followed the other outside. Out of all the other boys that had joined them for dinner, only Bokuto turned to look after them, a bit worried, but somehow convinced that nothing bad was going to happen. After all, Kuroo was their closest friend and that was barely something to ruin their friendship.  _

_ “Listen, Akaashi , I know it’s not-” _

_ “I’m sorry, okay? I really really am sorry. At first I didn’t want to tell you because it was nothing. It was just both of us trying to keep ourselves busy in an all-boys summer camp because we had nothing better to do, y’know? But-” _

_ “Akaashi, I don’t mind it even if you marry him, okay? I’m not mad and I don’t want you to feel guilty or anything. Just… I was a little surprised. That’s all.” Kuroo assured him and threw one arm around the other’s back. “Just don’t fall in love, Akaashi.” _

_ Akaashi jumped in his seat and looked at the other, his eyes wide and almost terrified.  _

_ “Kuroo, I think… I think it’s a bit late for that. I mean, I can still stop everything that’s going on...” _

_ “At least you finally admitted it to yourself. You’re quite obvious, you know?” Kuroo laughed and bumped Akaashi's shoulder. “I mean, I am very well aware that you like Bokuto. And it surely isn’t something new. And I think Bokuto likes you too, but, you know, he has some issues when it comes to commitment. Still, I hope it all works out well in the end.”  _

_ Akaashi smiled at the other. Still, he felt empty inside. He felt like something precious was taken away from him but he still didn’t know what exactly that precious thing was.  _

_ “Listen, just be careful. Next time someone interrupts you it may not be me.” Kuroo patted him on the back. “Let’s go inside.”  _

_ Akaashi sighed, somehow relieved and followed the boy. When he came back to the cafeteria his dark blue eyes met Bokuto’s yellow ones and his heart skipped a beat. “Fuck..”he mumbled under his breath. The other smiled at him from across the room and Akaashi knew that abandoning the feelings he had for him was mission impossible. He nodded back and turned around making his way back to their shared bungalow. He needed some time to think. He was nervous about that whole Kuroo situation, now that it was all cleared up, what was bothering him so much? Akaashi heard panting behind him and just before he turned around long slim fingers squeezed his shoulder.  _

_ “Akaashi, wait.” Bokuto said, pleading almost. “Is everything cool? Why did you leave without saying anything?” _

_ “We don’t want anyone else becoming curious about us, yes?” Akaashi’s voice sounded cold and even he was surprised at his harshness. “Listen, I think it’s best we-” _

_ “Hey, hey, Akaashi, we’re just having fun okay? It doesn’t need to involve anything more than that.” Bokuto paused for a second and looked away from the other. “We’re best friends after all.”  _

_ The ground underneath Akaashi’s feet disappeared. He was falling and it felt like hours even though only a couple of seconds had passed. He realized just how badly he had fallen for the other.  _

_ “I spoke to Kuroo earlier and I think it’s best we continue after coming back from the camp.” Akaashi fidgeted with his fingers behind his back, his nails digging deep in his skin. “If you still want it of course. I don’t mind having fun. After all there’s nothing more to it.” it hurt saying all that out loud. Tears threatened to roll down his pale face but he managed to hold back. His voice trembled slightly. He knew Bokuto noticed because the look on his face changed. “I'm going to sleep now, I’m pretty tired. We’ll talk when you get back okay?” Akaashi didn’t even wait for Bokuto’s answer. He ran down to the shed, the tears he tried to dismiss so badly finally coming out. It hurt. The slightly cold summer wind bruised his wet face as he ran fast, his shoulder that Bokuto’s beautiful fingers clenched until now, every inch of his body that the other had caressed and his lips were burning. He wished he would never reach the shed and he would just continue to run until everything went numb and he was unable to cry anymore.  _

_ But the door to the room stood before him and he stepped inside the heavy silence and the night darkness gently embracing him as if welcoming him home.  _

__

_ Hot breath tickled his ear. Akaashi woke up to the sight of Bokuto snuggled up next to him in his bed. It’s still night time- he pointed out when he realised he could hardly see anything. The moonlight that came through the window next to his bed outlined Bokuto’s body and his beautiful face. Akaashi couldn’t help but smile.  _

_ The pillow was still wet. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. He quickly dismissed the thought and his eyes shifted back to the peacefully sleeping form beside him.  _

_ “What the fuck is happening betweeen us?” Akaashi whispered. His hand as if naturally, reached out to caress Bokuto’s face. His skin was cold and just then Akaashi noticed he had no blanket on.  _

_ “God damn you idiot, you’re gonna catch a cold.” Akaashi mumbled and threw a blanket over the other. “I think I love you.” he said without thinking and immediately took his hand away from Bokuto, afraid that the other might’ve heard him. “Fuck.”  _

_ Akaashi turned his back to Bokuto and clutched his eyes tightly. The sound of Bokuto breathing was calming him down and he soon fell back asleep.  _

_ Bokuto watched as Akaashi’s figure moved slightly as he breathed in and out. He rested his palm on Akaashi’s waist still unable to process what he said a couple of minutes earlier.  _

_ “What are we going to do now that you love me, Akaashi?” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Exam season is finally over and I'm finally coming back to writing.   
> I hope all of you are happy and healthy and living your best life!  
> Stay safe out there ! <3


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